Being Bipolar isn't EASY

and the Art of Slowing it Down

Tag Archives: Politics

The Devil is in the (Mental Health) detail, Mies

Don’t ask me why, but (I’m trying to use the word “but” less these days) I prefer to do things the HARD way. The very hard way!

I.e. It wasn’t until most recent years, and I just turned forty-four (44) that I learned to appreciate how our great big beautiful world works. How friends & family, including friends of friends and friends of family, can give you a ‘step up’, help you with that often ever so hard rung on the ladder.

If you can imagine I preferred to do things alone. ME, myself and I. It’s not that I’m not a collaborator. I am. I won’t use a superlative but most creatives need to be… it’s just that I never needed, scratch that – wanted – help. …I should clarify, the type of help that could maybe get one a job that one isn’t really qualified for.

…But now, @44, I am so very over “ME, myself & I” (if you have this/that neurosis – I encourage you to just STOP while your ahead & get over it now too), which brings me to the thought of the evening, It’s 1:04am where I am (I’m drinking coffee), and although I’ve written about the under cover agents/ physicians/ policemen that have haunted me in the past (Note to Reader: Maybe see there have also been angels, including President’s of the United States of America.

Yep!? That’s how bad this sh*t has gotten in the past), that have – are you sitting down? – stalked me. …Ooooooooooh! She just said it?!?!?!!? Ooooooooooh…………. is Princess Marksalot’s next mission to find out who her stalkers were/are?

And RED FLAG! RED FLAG!! …did she just use the word “are”?????


Mr. Remarkable, Honey, if your now on the other side of the world reading this, there’s NO need to panic and hop on a plane to come rescue me as you tried a few short weeks ago, but it’s true. Very true.

You may as well know THE TRUTH! I am so broken that ever since the very beginning in the Nation’s Capitol when I ran into George Washington Hospital, was it?, kicking & screaming “Protect ME, Protect my family”… you know the drill (Reader’s I elude to that fateful day often here in my posts) all of my MAJOR EPISODES and I guess very small ones, like we are experiencing now revolve around me being stalked.

Yes, that’s a fighting word. And a pretty legal term at that! It’s just that it breaks my heart to report that since that Labor Day weekend in 1999 or whatever (I can’t be bothered to cross-check & be most accurate ATM) …if I comes up in a Court of Law, I have the year. I remember the faces. The pendant… not!

Sadly, I CANNOT remember that pendant AND I desperately want to!!! The Activist & ever so Fashionista in me WANTS to wear a “pendant” of her own.

If I were a betting woman, I’d say it was GOLD! Solid gold. Every pun intended. (Note to reader: At the very least, I’d like to recover the DIY stained glass that I painted while talking to the pendant; I mean Art Support Staff. …like that’s ever gonna happen.)

But I digress. I’m not going to share my secret’s/ connections/ links via psychotic associations ATM, maybe not publically nor privately maybe not ever – a girl’s gotta hold onto something – rather (notice how I didn’t say “but” – insert grin) poke around here if your interested. Dappled in this blog are myriads of sites that I follow. Love Wiki. And/or some of my Hero’s, big & small – known and unkown.

Outside of these pictures that I often pilfer off the Internet, to visually articulate the title of my posts, I try very hard to give credit where credit is due.

That said. This, above, is a picture of my own. You can tell by the fingerprints. :) By the lot of marks. Ha! That’s a stretch. …Marksalot. I crack myself up & can be so v unintentionally cryptic. A beautiful ‘invisible single display book shelf’ from Barnes & Noble for less than 4USD.

Sadly, if you want one (1) of your own, you’ll have to run to the nearest store – as they were marked down 75% in the gift section in recent months.

It is a great way to make utterly beautiful Art. One just has to spend their money on the books! How very clever and poetic is the man/woman that came up with the idea. I hope he/she is absofuckinglutely rich by now. I have that their muse is wealthy…

I managed to acquire four (4). For ME. The lucky ME!

For a set of Edward Tufte’s four (4) graphic related books. Four (4) of these Saw somewhere; too tired to look for the link tonight but somewhere the Tufte organization makes a recommendation for his top four (4) best sellers, I guess.

Must publish this now & order them right quick! My mama wants me to “go back to bed”!?!?!?!? <insert sigh> She’s right.

Peace out people. /\

An Interview with ME


This is a picture of ME! Can you believe it? After all these years, I am posting a real picture of me, HERE? Caroline Myss’s snap shot, that I posted earlier today (OH wait! That was yesterday…) encouraged me to do it! So, IF you see me on the street, feel free to stop me in my tracks (I like to make tracks) and say hello? I’d love to know what you think about my blog! That said, you still might have to call ME, Princess Marksalot as I am not considering to reveal my real name to the general public until I finish my Screenplay… am thinking that that will be my real debut! Am still tossing some names around for it but it might be called “Being Bipolar isn’t EASY” or bBiE for short… That said, I do intend to share more of my crazy stories one day, they will certainly be in the movie, but as of late it’s been all these posts have been FEEL GOOD… so read on? Get to know ME more intimately?

Who are you? I’m Princess Marksalot; a.k.a. my childhood hero: Pippi! Or you could “Call ME Cliff”, that’s a private joke but I’d probably respond!

Date of Birth? Oh that’s a touchy subject, I’ll give you the year BUT people in my immediate family are super paranoid about identity theft… so suffice it to say, I like to keep them happy & will share, 1973! …I am an OX according to the Chinese Zodiac and a Virgo in the West.

Where do you come from? All over! I was born in Akron then I moved to Germanton (Memphis) at the age of three. I think after that I went to Dallas, then on to Phoenix and New Canaan. My dad was climbing a corporate ladder… which fell out from under him when I started college. During my stint in New Canaan, I was an exchange student in Lisboa… but I digress, I went to college in Cincinnati, DAAP was a great school – don’t know how it ranks today, but when I went t was in the top five (5) for Architecture Schools! During my stint in Ohio again, I was an exchange student in Kobenhaven. (The most beautiful women in the world live in Kobenhaven… note to self, I do not live there!) oh & also New York – how could I forget New York?! I spent most if not all of my co-ops in NYC… After graduating, I moved to New York close to my best friend and my older sister. I fell in love, hard, and followed Scum Lazy-ass Moron, as we will forever refer to him, back to Phoenix. When that fell apart I moved to DC, where I proceeded to loose my mind?! But I loved every second of it! Then to save myself from drowning in my own thunderstorm, I moved to Las Vegas, met my night in shining armor, had a child & begun a life as an expat in Macao (China).

What do you live for? My family. My interests are Architecture, Graphic Design, Photography, cooking, party planning (I love planning a good party), Yoga, traveling & of course writing but I live for my family. One day I hope to live for something greater, …am currently learning how to be a Bipolar & Yoga advocate but my family keeps me going! I am a pretty good wife, mom, daughter & sister if you ask ME, but I am biased of course…

What project ‘s’ are you working on? Well, I have this blog that I get around to in my spare time, which is usually when insomnia strikes, and I have three (3) Facebook pages one for the blog, one for yoga and my own of course (I really love connection). I teach Yoga out of my home, I just became a teacher this year, and dream of opening a Studio one day! Then there’s my 7th Wedding Anniversary party and a Wellness Day in Macao & my Hindi lessons… but, the coolest project by far, outside my son – can I call my son a “project”? lol – is my Screenplay! That I am really proud of! It’s an autobiography & starts with ME getting handcuffed during my first psychotic break in front of Starbucks on Connecticut Avenue in Dupont circle. I am not sure how it ends – it’s about reclaiming my divine birthright; peace, joy, freedom and laughter! I started on this path with a cleanse at the Yoga Barn in Ubud, Bali in February of 2014 and I aim to finish it!

What are your ambitions for your projects? …Ugh – I’d like to make a blockbuster! Did I just admit that? Is that a “flag”, I am Bipolar ya know… All joking aside, who wouldn’t? And in the process, I’d like to make my little sister famous! She has all the skills, as she is an actress AND looks like ME?! Do forgive me for just addressing one project here BUT that’s a pretty enormous ambition! No? My Screenplay, it’s also an insiders guide to how one woman’s hyper alert, idiosyncratic and acutely sensitive manic-depressive mind works! I hope to make what it’s like to be mentally unstable available to more people. To suppress the stigma’s – make mental illness less taboo!

Do you have any political views? All is fair in love & Yoga! And by that I mean, there are different strokes for different folks! I am finding that I mainly vote/ lean one direction but try to see everyone’s point of view and do not side with a political party. Several of my friends & relatives are political die hards and I try to reason with them. But many of you know that that’s pointless! So what do I believe? I believe that all women should have the right to abortion but hope to never have to make that decision myself! I believe that all people should have the right to bear arms but don’t want a gun in the house. God forbid, when I get depressed, I just might use it on myself?! I believe that Education is really important and wish that it was FREE in the USA but that would wreck havoc on our taxes! I am glad to see that Health Insurance is reaching more people now! #GoObamaCare I don’t know if I believe in the death penalty, I think torture is better suited for some! …I support same sex marriage, like I said “All is fair in love & Yoga” – it doesn’t matter to me if some people are born that way or choose that direction later in life! Think that about sums it up… I am really not abreast of what the main issues are! But those are a few that I can think of that are important to ME!

What are your religious views? I have written about them in this blog, but I’ll share what I recently posted about my altar on my Yoga Facebook page here. I think it pretty much sums it up: “I have come to believe that I am a Universalist and believe that our universe, in all it’s glory, is an eternal organism and from it proceeds all life, all consciousness, all creativity… in other words, I believe: ALL is God. On my altar I have a photo of Jesus and a pendant of his mother Mary. (I was raised Catholic, though left the Church shortly after I started yoga in College). You will also find Ganesha, Krishna, Saraswati and of course Buddha up there too. (My husband is Hindu. A Hindu priest married us and another gave my son his name.) I own, but have not read in their entirety, the Holy Bible, a Bhagavad Gita, the Teachings of Buddha & most recently acquired a Qur’an… a close friend and Missionary tells me that I am a Pantheist but I’ll leave that up to you to judge… I promise not to bore you with my spiritual beliefs, in class, but you should trust that they are part of my yogic journey; finding your center is part of yours! Note: that this is intentionally a “Community Page” and I am open to such discussions about God, the Spirit, the Creator of all things, as you like. One thing that I have learned from Yoga since the Summer of 1998 is that WE ARE ONE and in my classes, I will work towards reinforcing that message! Chopra is a huge role model of mine and he often reminds me that we share and are responsible for only ONE World… so kindly keep in mind, as you come to class, that we are in this together!” …imagine that you get the picture!

What do you hope to fulfill in life? I hope to support my husband’s happiness and help make a respectable ‘citizen of the world’ out of my son! …I hope to follow the instructions that my Grandpa Bud gave me and do a job, any job, well! …he really haunts me sometimes, God rest his soul, often I put in the extra effort! You know, tie a pretty ribbon on the package. I could learn more from my Mom; she ties the best ribbons! Trust, I know, this list is not that “lofty” but they are the first things that come to mind!

Do you have any hobbies? Kindly see “What do you live for?” AND “What project ‘s’ are you working on?” above. ;) …the head of Human Resources at my first real job, in Rockefeller Center, told me that smart people usually answer questions before they are asked! Guess this proves that I am SMART? …I have been trying to prove that my whole life! Now my life is complete! …I might not know where Madagascar is nor who fought in the French Revolutionary War ;) but I do know some things!

In your spare time what artists do you listen to? A lot of 5 Seconds of Summer, Green Day & Pink lately! My four (4) year old son loves them… but when I get to choose it’s Pink Martini and Florence + the Machine… REM, Blondie, David Bowie, Eurythmics, Neil Diamond, George Michael & the Eagles when I am feeling nostalgic.

Any closing statements? Please note that I stole these questions from Vonj, out right! There is no shame in stealing! Everyone needs inspiration sometimes… that said, you can find his original post here! I may have just stumbled upon him but I <3 what I’ve seen…

A fish out of water

The exchange was a complete mess; I let the Republicans get closer, and the Democrats felt threatened. And while I was working hard to conceal the fact that they were the ones that I wanted to be helping me; I was afraid of losing him. SLM: more appropriately Scum Lazy-ass Moron…

You see my new hairdresser had many Republican clients, including Laura Bush or so I was told; & she, the former, gave me a cactus. She told me that she grew them on her balcony; and I took it as a sign from SLM, a republican, the man I left in Arizona. He wanted me to know how close he was.

The salon wasn’t far from the White House but once I got back to Dupont a man in a black suit, or was it blue, no matter, on Connecticut Avenue approached me out and inquired what was in the bag. He wore sunglasses with a price tag still on them?! Either he wasn’t expecting ME and needed to conceal his identity quickly or he was trying to tell ME something?! Maybe he was trying to tell ME that he had been paid for. Maybe he was turning in a favor. Maybe I should have ran but I just said “It’s just a cactus for Black Beauty (that’s ME), Nerd – now back the hell off!”

I definitely should have used the camera on my cell phone more, those days I ran into so many weird souls?! People helping people… SLM couldn’t have paid for everything… he was so afraid of getting involved! How he protected his “friends”; it’s not like he was ir is ever going to run for President. If I had to place a bet, I’d bet the Democrats did it for FREE.

In retrospect, I think the man on the street was trying to conceal his identity. God knows I was doing nothing of the sort – I pranced around waving my cactus in the air, I wanted “Them” to see. I wanted someone to notice ME. I wanted to be one of the well respected extremely sought after ‘People’ of DC…

WOW howabout that for some honesty! (Came out of no where…) I was so out of place, in DC, a fish out of water.

Did I ever tell you?

Did I ever tell YOU: “THANK YOU”? You, the tall one with brown hair that taught me how to demonstrate my appreciation. Are you listening? We were having lunch, albeit at separate tables, at the Middle Eastern Restaurant south of Dupont and you very kindly made a small scene of shaking your bag that said THANK YOU in red! Yes, I got it that message…

& YOU, did you notice that I am learning to write? You, the African-American man from Starbucks! Are you listening? You sat next to me, early one morning and tapped your finger on an ad for writing classes in the City Paper… (one of the more overt hints I was given)

& ALL of YOU, I saw you wearing the Nautica gear… your message was clear. I wasn’t going to get caught playing ‘oleWashingtongames. Thanks for trying to protect ME…

And finally, YOU, did you hear me the first time – the time I told you to “FUCK OFF”? You, you know who you are, I hope that you are listening. You put BUSH bumper stickers, albeit upside down, all over my apartment before we moved in on U Street?!?! Did you really think that I was going to start voting Republican just because he helped me out???

a BLIND date

I was set up! A hairdresser that I had been to several times really didn’t listen to me… she was a BAD hair dresser. I took my friend to her one weekend so that she could get her hair styled for her wedding. I took her for the trial run… Weeks later, the day of my friend’s wedding; I went alone to get my hair styled. (My friend had found someone else.) The hair dresser (I forget her name but recall that she was Russian also styled the hair of some very prominent republican politician’s wives) thought it was ME that was getting married!?!?

I tried to deny it when she asked but when she pushed, I played along. She asked me about the man who I was marrying, where we were going to live, what I was going to wear and what color flowers we should put in my hair. I felt self-conscious about lying; as she also managed to talk one of her co-workers into doing my make-up for FREE. (I had never had my make-up done by anyone else.)

Nonetheless, on my drive to my good friend & neighbor’s wedding, in a rainbow printed dress with PURPLE flowers in my hair, it was clear in MY head that it wasn’t ME that was getting married. But that didn’t last long, upon arrival I saw a painting in a gallery; it was a hunting scene and MY prince charming on a horse in a RED coat. Many other events over the course of several months led up to this event but during the wedding, I imagined that my sweetheart was on the other side of the fence (my friend’s wedding was in a very nice private garden in a cottage at The Inn at Little Washington) and I imagined that I was marrying my long-lost love?!?!

I was careful not to drink too much champagne at the reception and left the party early as I was completely exhausted and completely psychotic; I do not know how I didn’t crash as I raced to get back to Dupont to meet my best friend from New York, at a comedy show. (More about that show later… in another post.)

On the way to the comedy show, in the circle (imagine of all places), an East-Indian man sitting on a park bench greeted ME. (Somehow this relates to something that the hairdresser said but without my diaries I cannot remember what. It was in a discussion about Astrology &/or Yoga that she mentioned that I deserved a good man.) He asked what I did that day and I told him that… “I got married”. Within minutes, I couldn’t continue the lie, I told him that I was mentally ill and was just pretending. I hope I apologized for lying.

Worried about ME, he asked to meet me in the same place the next day. And so I did, the next day at TWO, after another reception, I laid in the grass, close to the same place that I met the man the night before, with my left hand over my heart (ring finger) and right hand on my belly (keep center). You yogi’s know that’s the opposite way that one is trained but leave it to me to put my own twist in things!

If he saw me, he didn’t disturb me – perhaps he & his cohort’s thought that I could sleep it off. If only I could just sleep it off.