Being Bipolar isn't EASY

and the Art of Slowing it Down

Tag Archives: Gratitude

Time to talk

It’s still “Time to Talk” somewhere…

And so I further share many people are most comfortable talking to me personally and I find that extremely worthy/valuable. But isn’t it really most curious about societies comfort level. I find it FASCINATING in fact???

That shared, although most fortunate & grateful for my connections, I am often saddened that people – the majority, in fact – feel that they need to hide their trials & tribulations and I struggle with how “private”, a.k.a. kept on the DL (down-low) undercover, our intimate conversations are.

It motivates me frankly to be all the more open (which mind you is both alienating & I reiterate sadly alienates) to show that there is no shame in very vunerable. IMO it is often most meaningful!

In large part even though this (new & improved) feed of mine is still in the beginning stages, it has been ruminated over for years, I make an important mention today. You may read/ deliberate/ remember on your own and not respond w/ a comment or a like AND that is o-kay BUT I ask you to pls consider this: mental health to quote my cousin about a recent teenage suicide in her community “is clearly a multi-layered issue with no clear path to help….except communication”.

So I encourage you to help me, help us bust the Stigma. Reduce the isolation & shame and challenge you to communicate even if you feel uncomfortable.

*Note to reader: This was originally posted on Instagram with the (UK) hashtag #timetotalk. You can find me @jessicakaushik for smaller FUN stuff.

I yield to God

Warning: The following is highly personal & daily LOVE from one of many fearless leaders blogging today

I yield to God or at least I think I can. How well or not well one knows one another has little bearing in SM (Social Media) IMO. Matters little where care/concern, voices/truths are expressed/considered. But alas there in lies my problem with the crickets (I LOVE your hearts): so much is wasted largely on part of keeping up with the Jone’s and FOMO (fear of missing out).

It’s a much more powerful tool than we allow. Try as I might to make it a better tool. A tool that I both need and want. A complete luxury, I am aware WordPress. You have my permission to go ahead & crown ME.

But ppl, you ppl, are so much better than Google in a land with few Western or English resources. I post here to work things out and am most grateful that you listen but I’d really like to chat more with you; listen to your advice.

Maybe look at my naivety this way? ATM moment for all intents and purposes I am nobody & have done little. I might have 1000 friends/followers between FB, IG & WP – some are duplicates – and that’s GREAT. Really great!

But Leo, The Nerdy Lion, here is most right!

All my blogging, posts, replies & personal and intimate emails (writing) with friends etc.. have been enough. I have found my Voice. I need not look ANY further.

I have most everything that I need besides your chirping lol and so I declined a suggestion to learn how to speak from the Heart (which I am to do in my writing) by taking a class. I’m just gonna write the fcuking book.

There I said it.

Now I have to do it! <inject utter & daunting fear> MVMB, now I have fear… If you follow me here – you know: vulnerability is my path.

I need not be normal nor popular. And I do not have the desire for approval nor recognition. Certainly nobody needs to give me permission. 🙂

But I do desperately desire to know if what concerns me resonates or makes one think or is supportive. It effects the keeping up with the Jone’s and the FOMO’s – a well known human behavior. But it took me so many years to understand that I do have it, because many of you that I follow here or elsewhere or have read etc. (you get the point) have it! So #thankyou.

I deeply thank you for your existence because, and I quote Dani Shapiro, it’s our job, our responsibility (good word responsibility), perhaps even our sacred calling to take whatever life has handed us.

Everything is NOT enough

So, get this? 

After ten (10) plus years I was hospitalized, again!? And all because Mr. Remarkable was in China. By no fault of our own, we’ve been involuntarily separated since mid July?! So as you can see, my husband wasn’t around to see me slip, in person. I don’t intend to offend anyone, but make light like a feather, as in the looney bin for 5 (five) days!?!?!?!?!?!? <insert a BIG frown> 

And so, here – with this photo (he was so v nice to comply), I take/took back my power! I did not “unite”/bond really with any of the other mentally ill patients. Was afraid to talk to them, really. Gather I shouldn’t say that! But most were hearing voices & secluded themselves to their, shared, rooms. It was really REALLY sad.

You can trust however that I did try to reach many. But they were fairly unreachable!?!? Did I mention that it was sad? Entirely depressing…

I did however meet a REALLY stand up guy! David. (Note to reader: I think it okay to use his real name here – in case he ever reads this, although it’s against my blogwide policy.) Trust, I’ll never see him again!! Which is really hard b/c like I said: he was a really stand up guy. Caught in a similar, but not, situation at the same time in Seven Hills (Las Vegas) to detox. It was serendipitous. 

Mental Health institutions (is a Psychiatric Hospital an institution?) are tricky and although I’d like to help him along his recovery, I cannot. It would have been selfish of me to leave a call back number when I called to say “it was nice meeting you”. Even though I do need friends, that I can touch, while here on an extended holiday in Las Vegas. 

God help me make friends in Las Vegas!? It’d be good to get out of the house more often…

But, I digress. David, if your listening, I respect & admire you! Your (bipolar) mom should be proud. I pray that giving up the sauce will unite you more intimately with others. Alcoholism is an albeit common but more importantly lonely disease. Hence the problem, I gather. I pray that your estranged twenty (20) something year old daughter let’s you in. Try to get in? I imagine that part of your rehabilitation is for your relationship w/ her?? Operative word, your! You gotta do this for yourself! 

Finally, I’ll close by saying: (Chopra is often right.)  I trust if you look for God in other, healthier/wealthier, places you’ll find him or her. Good luck! Xx

Break on Through


If your familiar with my older posts – you’ll take note that it’s been a while since I opened with a song. Hope your glad to have it back! This one touched me deep inside recently as I am working on breaking on through to the other side… Gratefully I have been coping for a long while but think I am in the final stages of gaining life long stability through introducing a daily routine and continuing with my gratitude practice. Not unlike how recovering alcoholics prey for their sobriety morning & night.


With that I will share that it was only after reading this I realized that I am just TOO HARD on myself!?


And so I will try to take a deep breath, now and again, when life presents me with another challenge and continue! Our breath is and always has been our gift in this life!!


  1. I am alive; and for a Bipolar that is significant. I have contemplated suicide more than once.
  2. I am able to see the sunrise, alone in the comfort of my home with a cuppa joe. But a glass of wine, usually cooking at sunset?!
  3. I am able to hear birds sing if I pay very close attention and waves crash if I go to a beach of any significance. I have never really been a beach bum!
  4. I can walk outside and feel the breeze through my hair… sometimes I notice it when I don’t have my nose in my phone?! I will try to not the sun’s warmth on my skin more often!
  5. I have tasted the sweetness of a chocolate cake & living in macao, I miss a good chocolate cake!? Thanks for reminding me. :|
  6. I never go to sleep hungry, unless I am dieting, and for that I am so very sploit.
  7. I did awake this morning in my family bed with the roof still over our heads. My son & I try to remember to thank the Universe for this daily.
  8. I always have a choice re: how to express myself and for this too, I am so very sploit.
  9. No, I haven’t feared for my life today.
  10. I have overcome some considerable obstacles, however innocuous they have been and I have survived. Am still evaluating the learning curve. ;p
  11. I have ambition, passion, drive and thte freedom to make my own choices!
  12. I don’t live in China… Macau isn’t China!
  13. I am strong & healthy! Although you may be hearing from me more soon, I have to get foot surgery & will be strapped close to my apartment in a cast for a month!
  14. I have a family of nine (9) whom misses ME and is looking forward to spending some time together around the holidays.
  15. …uh, no. Maybe not, at 42 I don’t reminisce much yet.
  16. …uh, again no. The drinking water in Macau is the shit of the litter. We get everything that China doesn’t want. BUT I know what you mean, it’s clear.
  17. I have high quality medical care and insurance that covers most of it! This is a blessing!
  18. Geeze! Sadly this is a BIGGIE!! I don’t know what I do without the internet.
  19. I can read and I am very proud that I taught my son to read at four (4) by simply tracing sentences with my fingers.


Note to reader: I encourage you to elaborate on your own answers as I did. And I encourage you to write them down!


Forty (40) Questions that will quiet your mind

So I just completed this questionnaire. You don’t have to write it & post it in your blog like I am doing but you should really take twenty (20) and try answering the questions too! Note to reader: It got hard at the end, I had to go back & think harder about some of the questions but most of them came to me effortlessly. I am glad that I made the time for it! The opening was my hook, line & sinker: “Judge a person by their questions, rather than their answers … because asking the right questions is the answer.”

1. In one sentence, who are you? I am a creative, impatient, generous soul.
2. In one word, what do you live for? Family.
3. What is worth the pain? Make up sex.
4. What will you never give up on? Love.
5. What do you always try to avoid? Ignorant people.
6. What’s something you take for granted every day? My breath.
7. What do you need most right now? Sleep.
8. What’s the best advice you have ever given yourself? Count your blessings.
9. Happiness is a ________? Cuddle.
10. What would you immediately do differently if you knew no one would judge you? Where shorts.
11. What kind of people does the world need more of? People like ME.
12. What does beautiful look like in the dark? Empty.
13. What is the most beautiful thing you’ve seen today? (This one is a little forced…) My naked body.
14. What’s one problem you’re thankful you don’t have? Childhood trauma.
15. What’s something nobody could ever steal from you? My creativity.
16. Who would you like to forgive right now? Myself.
17. What is the most valuable life lesson you learned from a mistake? We have many soul mates.
18. Happiness is not ________? Constant.
19. Love is not ________? Worthless.
20. Who are you grateful for? My husband.
21. What is something you wish for everyone you love? To see the real ME.
22. What impact do you want to leave on the people you love? An indelible impression that they matter.
23. What’s something simple that makes you smile? A wild flower.
24. Life is too short to tolerate _______? Republicans. (Drew a blank here, so took a cheap shot.)
25. What’s something negative you think about too often? Why doesn’t anyone understand me? (I am most certainly flawed but filled with good intentions.)
26. What’s something positive you try to keep in mind when negativity surrounds you? God made me this way.
27. What’s something you’ve grown to appreciate, as you’ve grown older? Listening takes time. (I really need to re-read that!)
28. What’s something that used to scare you, but no longer does? Sleeping in the dark.
29. My life would be a lot different without _______? My son.
30. What gives you hope? The sunrise.
31. What do you have total confidence in? My marriage. (It has taken me years to say that!)
32. What chance are you given every single day? To start anew.
33. What do you want to remember forever? The support I got from my parents.
34. What do you appreciate most about your current situation? That I am a pedestrian.
35. What do you always look forward to? My husband coming home after work.
36. What the world needs now is _______? More yoga.
37. What recently reminded you of how fast time flies? Seeing an application I submitted over eighteen (18) months ago.
38. If you were going to die at midnight, what would you be doing at 11:45pm? Gently resting nestled in the arms of my loved ones.
39. What’s something everyone should be able to say before they die? Don’t give up.
40. What’s something that doesn’t have an ending? Soul searching.

Life is a dance


After reading this post, you may add “snob” to my growing list of nicknames – it wouldn’t be the first time. In college I wouldn’t eat a bagel outside of NYC – forget the frozen ones… & when I lived in PHX, second retirement capitol in the USA to LV, I imported my coffee from Portland on a small Architectural salary while my ex boyfriend, Scum Lazy-Ass Moron, covered my rent!?

So you can only imagine that the story now continues. Sadly I have to accept that in some ways I have changed very little. After all that I have seen in my short forty-one (41) years, I have a really hard time saying that developing countries are “beautiful”! It’s somewhat technical and most certainly reflective of my quest for the perfect words in life but in my narrow world view, I think there should be another word for them… Ever since my first trip to India, in 2009, I have been searching for a new term!

I’d like to say that the people and the experiences they afford are beautiful; and IMO they have been and continue to be – unforgettably so, but I am beginning to wonder if I only appreciate them because I grew up in America, in an arguably privileged household.

It’s not just mainstream Design/Architecture that is missing in third world countries but on average much of the landscapes are barren and dry, the infrastructure is sometimes poorly designed but most often tattered & many of the people, it fascinates me to note through their endless smiles, look tired and their street clothes are often dingy – forever spoiled by the inordinate amount of hand washing.

If that last paragraph makes you feel disdain for me, please consider forgiving me, I am only now finally beginning to understand that I am one of those “Sploit American’s” that so much of the world snickers about.

Short of taking away from that acknowledgment; I’d like to come full circle and back to what place this post has in a bipolar blog…

As I lay in bed and reflect on the theme of my accepted Screenplay and autobiography let me remember what Arianna Hufgington said: ‘Life is a Dance Between Making It Happen & Letting It Happen’… Although I have just begun to tap into my hero’s message, my understanding is that it has something to do with answering the questions: “What is really important?”

Many of you might think that I should have arrived at the answer by now but I am still on this road hoping to learn to pass with less judgement and deeply accept that although we share so many commonalities, our countries, our families, our afflictions are so very different! And short of rejecting myself and diving off the deep end into a pity party, that’s what I think that we all need to embrace. Like them or not, our differences make the world go around!

And with the recognition of that at 3am, I am going to close my eyes and pray. I am going thank our dearest Universe for my teachers – my lessons then & my lessons now. I want to thank the Creator of all things for the extraordinary gift of travel, I feel light years ahead of where I could have been if I were held captive in my homeland. I want to ask that the Spirit Guides and Deities help me to keep it real & to share the finer things that are within my control; appreciation, compassion and love for one another – may it come to me freely and easily. But most importantly I need to remember to thank God for bringing me here to the tip of this iceberg; hopefully I’ll figure out what life is all about, act accordingly & grow deeply and profoundly beyond my wildest dreams!

Note to reader: The picture above was taken on my first elephant trek! Imagine your own possibilities as you realise that little girl from Akron Ohio road an elephant in Thailand!

In My Opinion

IMO had I not told my now husband, a few short weeks after we met, when I was thirty four (34) that I moved back into my parents house to get medicated for & stable with my “BIPOLAR” condition, we might not be together today! You see, I had a vision & a belief that my future could have a different story than the one that I had been living/ struggling with on my own…

Kindly read this article now so that you can appreciate where I am coming from!

Further I might not have been blessed with a child, because I had fertility issues in my late twenties (Note to reader: We were preggers a short six (6) months after marriage.), and I might not live in Macau… Ha! Not that Macau is any great shakes, IMO, but it does afford me the privilege to travel internationally & appreciate the limits of our greater world, first hand.

And that got me reflecting – had I been honest with my employers I a) may have been paid better, Bipolar’s are known for their creativity, or b) I potentially may not have so easily quit & or been fired from many a good job prior to meeting my hub.

All that said, I know how tough it can be! It still took me a good five (5) years later to “come out” to my larger network of family and friends and I still haven’t come out here, behind this blog?!

After Robin Williams suicide, a light bulb went off in my head and it occurred to me that IMO: “honesty IS the best policy” and amazingly I have found in less than a year that I am more comfortable not hiding behind a secret/lie… whichever way you choose to look at it! (Note to reader: Now I believe that not being true to myself and fair to those around me by being an open book was both; a secret & a lie!)

Additionally I wouldn’t have had the opportunity to enjoy the joys of advocacy. I wouldn’t be able to help friends old and new. Some times it is not so obvious but years and years of therapy has taught me how to dissect what’s behind our words and actions. Mind you it’s only my opinion, at the end of the day, but it helps me analytically juggle my interactions and those of others IMO. Lol; are you tiring of all the IMO’s?

Even more importantly perhaps it has made me hypersensitive to my alcohol fetish. I cannot say “alcohol addiction” because I often choose to pair my drink with my food in a very rudimentary non-sommelier way. (Note to reader: If you haven’t read some of my other recent posts, you may want to stop now and read another breaking ground study:

The saddest thing about this reality: “that people living with a mental illness choose not to seek treatment for their disorder due to fear of judgment is the loss” is that it cuts both ways. Loving a person that is mentally unstable may not be the easiest thing to do. IMO they can be less rational, practical, logical, hold grudges longer, literally imagine that the sky is falling when the shit hits the fan but the breakups and the havoc that they wreck on both parties is so very not worth it. Sand bagging relationships is not worth it. Sticking to your guns to find the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow is!

And to think that this very common occurrence could easily be remedied with three (3) simple words: “I am _______.” Here, I challenge you, all of you – clinically unstable or not to fill in the blank. If you can’t I encourage you to write to Encyclopedia Britannica because the world needs to record that there is one “PERFECT” person in this crazy world.

The point here is this: never be ashamed of your _______. It might not be pretty but admitting that you have a _______ might be the first step towards making it work for you. Dig up the courage to look past your limits & listen to Caroline Casey, “being absolutely true to yourself is freedom”. Here I have chosen to share her TED talk:

…I know it may be hard to admit our weaknesses, shortcomings and failures but it’s so very exhausting trying to being perfect. When reality not a single one of us is. IMO we all need therapy. We are all some shade of fucked up. Some of us are just more open and honest about it than others.

It is my hope that you find this post supportive and that its helps give you the ability to believe that you can get past your _______. I hope that ME and my stories encourage you to be yourself! Trust that there is light at the end of the tunnel.

At the end of the day, my message is this, I am glad that I told some random guy that I had barely even kissed in a town that I had no intention of staying in why I was very nervous to be HIS date to his birthday party. What I learned through my sharing is what Caroline Casey learned: “When you make a decision at the right time, in the right place – the Universe makes it happen for you!”

My therapist told me to


My therapist told me to. My therapist told me to write about “my depressed states”?!

And that, that’s a really hard charge because as I have told you, I don’t think that I have it! I didn’t think that I could do it! And then like most things flow; this article came across my path.

You should take a moment to look at it! It’s from Forbes & extremely educating. I read it & realized I am a walking talking high functioning depressed wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend, screenwriter, blogger, yoga teacher?!

Now don’t get me wrong, in my long/short life (which is it today?) there’s a lot whole hell of a lot about myself, my life, my family, others that I have had to learn how to accept and turn a compassionate heart towards; you know the kind of things that one doesn’t want said at their wake but just thinking about how beautifully the painting of my life, my family’s life, looks above the fireplace makes me smile… smile on the inside. If you’re a perfectionist, I trust that you know what I mean.

If I am honest, as of late, when I am depressed I withdraw and I rearrange my calendar so that I don’t have to leave the house. I cancel lunch dates, play dates, skip yoga classes… being anti social furthers my depressed state. I neglect exercise, sleep longer than ‘normal’ and thus neglect my morning spiritual rituals. I find myself having too much liquid at lunch and/or at dinner – you know the kind that we don’t serve our kids and thus I gain weight! …gaining weight furthers my depressed state which affects my sex drive which affects my relationship with my husband which only furthers my depressed state… then I get negative, negative about everything.

And I’ve been doing that a lot lately! I haven’t hit rock bottom and jumped on the negative band wagon but if I am not careful, it’s just around the corner!

…don’t get me wrong, I am and am not DEPRESSED I survive because I toggle. I am grateful for this article teaching me about toggling… I am a toggler!

I bounce around between the magic moments. Gratefully I practice gratitude and can find many magic moments that make my life worth living but if I graphed it, it would be a pretty erratic graph. Sometimes, like many bipolars, I can spike several times in one week, but now that I am relatively stable or was fooling myself that I was before I visited with my therapist last week, I usually spike a few times a year.

Note to self: Don’t talk to your therapist about your Screenplay anymore! You didn’t need to know that you are a toggler! ;) … I can see my first meeting now: “Hello, My name is XXX & I am a toggler! I am here because I want to stop toggling!!!”

If that wasn’t enough, fully present & conscious I do things that I know that I don’t want to do, like drink coffee. Bear with me dear reader – it may at first sound like a feeble attempt to fill up this post, even I thought it was a little pathetic when I wrote it, BUT coffee is a BIG dehydrator and false stimulator that I wish that I had access to naturally. I notice when I am off coffee that things like a smile, a hug, yoga, coconut juice or kefir pick me up!

I can’t tell you how many times that I have been in the kitchen, habitually like a robot taking the coffee beans out of the pantry and the grinder out of the cupboard saying to myself: “You don’t really want to do this”… “No, I really want to do this”… “What’s the harm?”… all the while mindlessly hearing the pitter patter of the beans falling against the walls of the grinder?!

See that proves it. I am a toggler! You can only imagine if I toggle with something so small as my coffee drinking that I toggle with much bigger daemons in the closet.

…and here I want to close by saying “Pfew. That felt good! I am glad that I listened to my therapist!” But that would be in part a small lie. As I just found out that I toggle.

I think that this post is a good start to get me thinking about what a BIG role depression plays in my life. I know that I have only scratched the surface of the iceberg, I have much more to brew over – pun intended… Question is what am I going to do about it? There is only so much that Uncle Google can answer!

…I think that I’ll do something super superficial, but all that I am prepared to do now @ 2:44am MT, and vow to not make a pot of coffee today!

An Interview with ME


This is a picture of ME! Can you believe it? After all these years, I am posting a real picture of me, HERE? Caroline Myss’s snap shot, that I posted earlier today (OH wait! That was yesterday…) encouraged me to do it! So, IF you see me on the street, feel free to stop me in my tracks (I like to make tracks) and say hello? I’d love to know what you think about my blog! That said, you still might have to call ME, Princess Marksalot as I am not considering to reveal my real name to the general public until I finish my Screenplay… am thinking that that will be my real debut! Am still tossing some names around for it but it might be called “Being Bipolar isn’t EASY” or bBiE for short… That said, I do intend to share more of my crazy stories one day, they will certainly be in the movie, but as of late it’s been all these posts have been FEEL GOOD… so read on? Get to know ME more intimately?

Who are you? I’m Princess Marksalot; a.k.a. my childhood hero: Pippi! Or you could “Call ME Cliff”, that’s a private joke but I’d probably respond!

Date of Birth? Oh that’s a touchy subject, I’ll give you the year BUT people in my immediate family are super paranoid about identity theft… so suffice it to say, I like to keep them happy & will share, 1973! …I am an OX according to the Chinese Zodiac and a Virgo in the West.

Where do you come from? All over! I was born in Akron then I moved to Germanton (Memphis) at the age of three. I think after that I went to Dallas, then on to Phoenix and New Canaan. My dad was climbing a corporate ladder… which fell out from under him when I started college. During my stint in New Canaan, I was an exchange student in Lisboa… but I digress, I went to college in Cincinnati, DAAP was a great school – don’t know how it ranks today, but when I went t was in the top five (5) for Architecture Schools! During my stint in Ohio again, I was an exchange student in Kobenhaven. (The most beautiful women in the world live in Kobenhaven… note to self, I do not live there!) oh & also New York – how could I forget New York?! I spent most if not all of my co-ops in NYC… After graduating, I moved to New York close to my best friend and my older sister. I fell in love, hard, and followed Scum Lazy-ass Moron, as we will forever refer to him, back to Phoenix. When that fell apart I moved to DC, where I proceeded to loose my mind?! But I loved every second of it! Then to save myself from drowning in my own thunderstorm, I moved to Las Vegas, met my night in shining armor, had a child & begun a life as an expat in Macao (China).

What do you live for? My family. My interests are Architecture, Graphic Design, Photography, cooking, party planning (I love planning a good party), Yoga, traveling & of course writing but I live for my family. One day I hope to live for something greater, …am currently learning how to be a Bipolar & Yoga advocate but my family keeps me going! I am a pretty good wife, mom, daughter & sister if you ask ME, but I am biased of course…

What project ‘s’ are you working on? Well, I have this blog that I get around to in my spare time, which is usually when insomnia strikes, and I have three (3) Facebook pages one for the blog, one for yoga and my own of course (I really love connection). I teach Yoga out of my home, I just became a teacher this year, and dream of opening a Studio one day! Then there’s my 7th Wedding Anniversary party and a Wellness Day in Macao & my Hindi lessons… but, the coolest project by far, outside my son – can I call my son a “project”? lol – is my Screenplay! That I am really proud of! It’s an autobiography & starts with ME getting handcuffed during my first psychotic break in front of Starbucks on Connecticut Avenue in Dupont circle. I am not sure how it ends – it’s about reclaiming my divine birthright; peace, joy, freedom and laughter! I started on this path with a cleanse at the Yoga Barn in Ubud, Bali in February of 2014 and I aim to finish it!

What are your ambitions for your projects? …Ugh – I’d like to make a blockbuster! Did I just admit that? Is that a “flag”, I am Bipolar ya know… All joking aside, who wouldn’t? And in the process, I’d like to make my little sister famous! She has all the skills, as she is an actress AND looks like ME?! Do forgive me for just addressing one project here BUT that’s a pretty enormous ambition! No? My Screenplay, it’s also an insiders guide to how one woman’s hyper alert, idiosyncratic and acutely sensitive manic-depressive mind works! I hope to make what it’s like to be mentally unstable available to more people. To suppress the stigma’s – make mental illness less taboo!

Do you have any political views? All is fair in love & Yoga! And by that I mean, there are different strokes for different folks! I am finding that I mainly vote/ lean one direction but try to see everyone’s point of view and do not side with a political party. Several of my friends & relatives are political die hards and I try to reason with them. But many of you know that that’s pointless! So what do I believe? I believe that all women should have the right to abortion but hope to never have to make that decision myself! I believe that all people should have the right to bear arms but don’t want a gun in the house. God forbid, when I get depressed, I just might use it on myself?! I believe that Education is really important and wish that it was FREE in the USA but that would wreck havoc on our taxes! I am glad to see that Health Insurance is reaching more people now! #GoObamaCare I don’t know if I believe in the death penalty, I think torture is better suited for some! …I support same sex marriage, like I said “All is fair in love & Yoga” – it doesn’t matter to me if some people are born that way or choose that direction later in life! Think that about sums it up… I am really not abreast of what the main issues are! But those are a few that I can think of that are important to ME!

What are your religious views? I have written about them in this blog, but I’ll share what I recently posted about my altar on my Yoga Facebook page here. I think it pretty much sums it up: “I have come to believe that I am a Universalist and believe that our universe, in all it’s glory, is an eternal organism and from it proceeds all life, all consciousness, all creativity… in other words, I believe: ALL is God. On my altar I have a photo of Jesus and a pendant of his mother Mary. (I was raised Catholic, though left the Church shortly after I started yoga in College). You will also find Ganesha, Krishna, Saraswati and of course Buddha up there too. (My husband is Hindu. A Hindu priest married us and another gave my son his name.) I own, but have not read in their entirety, the Holy Bible, a Bhagavad Gita, the Teachings of Buddha & most recently acquired a Qur’an… a close friend and Missionary tells me that I am a Pantheist but I’ll leave that up to you to judge… I promise not to bore you with my spiritual beliefs, in class, but you should trust that they are part of my yogic journey; finding your center is part of yours! Note: that this is intentionally a “Community Page” and I am open to such discussions about God, the Spirit, the Creator of all things, as you like. One thing that I have learned from Yoga since the Summer of 1998 is that WE ARE ONE and in my classes, I will work towards reinforcing that message! Chopra is a huge role model of mine and he often reminds me that we share and are responsible for only ONE World… so kindly keep in mind, as you come to class, that we are in this together!” …imagine that you get the picture!

What do you hope to fulfill in life? I hope to support my husband’s happiness and help make a respectable ‘citizen of the world’ out of my son! …I hope to follow the instructions that my Grandpa Bud gave me and do a job, any job, well! …he really haunts me sometimes, God rest his soul, often I put in the extra effort! You know, tie a pretty ribbon on the package. I could learn more from my Mom; she ties the best ribbons! Trust, I know, this list is not that “lofty” but they are the first things that come to mind!

Do you have any hobbies? Kindly see “What do you live for?” AND “What project ‘s’ are you working on?” above. ;) …the head of Human Resources at my first real job, in Rockefeller Center, told me that smart people usually answer questions before they are asked! Guess this proves that I am SMART? …I have been trying to prove that my whole life! Now my life is complete! …I might not know where Madagascar is nor who fought in the French Revolutionary War ;) but I do know some things!

In your spare time what artists do you listen to? A lot of 5 Seconds of Summer, Green Day & Pink lately! My four (4) year old son loves them… but when I get to choose it’s Pink Martini and Florence + the Machine… REM, Blondie, David Bowie, Eurythmics, Neil Diamond, George Michael & the Eagles when I am feeling nostalgic.

Any closing statements? Please note that I stole these questions from Vonj, out right! There is no shame in stealing! Everyone needs inspiration sometimes… that said, you can find his original post here! I may have just stumbled upon him but I <3 what I’ve seen…

Sacred Ground


So Caroline Myss pictured here, an American author, posted on FB the other day: “If I may, I would like to ask a question of all of you and share the reason I am asking.

I had a conversation with someone quite special to me about the power of prayer and its capacity to actually influence anything at all, much less change in the world or a person’s health or the quality of someone’s life. Admittedly there is no way to produce evidence in such an argument. We’ve all heard that adage, “All we can do now is pray,” or “I’ll pray for you.”

The other night, a dear friend shared something I deeply understood. She is presently going through a difficult passage and she sent out word to her close group of friends for prayer support, knowing they would indeed pray for her. They would not just promise prayers; they would offer them for her and she would receive a down pouring of grace. She trusted them and she had faith in that grace. It did not occur to her that any of her friends made that promise to her casually. They would keep their word.

In my conversation about prayer with the friend I mentioned earlier, I said that there is no hard core proof and perhaps that is why commitment to prayer is often well-meaning but an oh-well type of thing. And it is in our nature to want to see proof – always that irritant of physical proof. But proof tends to translate in seeing the evidence that we are getting what we want.

Prayer is a funny sort of thing. It is like talking to air and musing with the stars at night. And yet, a presence is there, hiding behind the walls of the imagination. So I ask you, is prayer something real for you?

I am especially interested, as I am teaching an upcoming class on Spiritual Direction. I have waited a while to teach this class but I feel that so many people are really seeking the type of direction that comes from the tools of that knowledge bank.

Prayer is certainly one of them but so is deep listening to your inner nature. I’ll speak about that in my next post. For now, I would really appreciate it if you would share your thoughts about prayer.

I love the way the old guard used to speak and so I leave you with this blessing: Blessed be the journey that has taken you so far along in your life. Blessed be the willingness and fortitude you have to face each day. And blessed be the goodness in you to want to rest on sacred ground.”


My response was: “I don’t pray traditionally much these days – instead I offer things up… I was raised Roman Catholic but found Yoga in College (‘98) which naturally redirected my spiritual path towards Hinduism & Buddhism…

To give you an example: when I was married, to an Indian, by a Hindu priest (‘09), I was told to whisper what I wanted most in the world into the ear of an animal, forgot which now… as I have not revisited the temple since.

Then on my wedding night I kicked over a metal vase filled with rice and coins in it to symbolize attracting children into our home… it may be important to note that i had had two (2) surgeries for chocolate cysts and endometriosis – my fertility at the time was questionable but we gratefully naturally conceived a little miracle!

… I have a non denominational altar and i pay homage to it most mornings while reciting my gratitude for my/our blessings & the deities support but I don’t think that that’’s “prayer”.

Instead I think I am drawing inward and outward… opening myself up to life’s beauties and mysteries.

Even as recently as last month I went to some holy waters in Bali. there, we didn’t pray either, a Balinese man told me that it was customary to just focus on what I wanted to attract into my life as we bathed under the mini waterfalls…

I had a plan, I knew what I wanted, so I asked the Creator of All that is and ever will be IF he/she wills it that my son should have a sibling… the jury is still out but I’ll let you know if it works! ;0″

What do you guys think? How do you make ‘prayer’ a part of your life, your rituals?? Do you think that it helps the Bipolar, believing in something greater?

I hope you’ll share but I want to reiterate: “Blessed be the journey that has taken you so far along in your life. Blessed be the willingness and fortitude you have to face each day. And blessed be the goodness in you to want to rest on sacred ground.”