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and the Art of Slowing it Down
I’m Coming Out
June 10, 2016Posted by on
It’s been a while. I know. Forgive me? But maybe you have noticed on Facebook that I am blogging for BP Magazine? My current profile is http://www.bphope.com/author/princess-marksalot/ but I aim to update that soon.
But that’s going to change here in a few minutes as I aim to retire my pseudonym. <insert a BIG sigh of relief>
So without further ado, my name is Jessica. I don’t have another picture that captures ME & my spirit to post here today so I refer you to https://beingbipolarisnteasy.com/2015/02/02/a-bit-more-about-me/. People tell me that I haven’t changed much since 2003 when I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia and not the onset of a mental illness. (I had yet to have a psychotic break!) In retrospect I was just severely depressed and in the wrong semi-intimate relationship, at that point in my evolution.
That said this picture that I shared here holds a precious moment in my history! It was taken moments before I drove a small U-haul with all of my belongings (I was leaving my partner) from Paradise Valley, AZ… no joke I lived in “Paradise” to my parents home where I temporarily set up base before moving to Washington, DC.
What I was projecting at the time remains the same message that I would hope my ex remembers today: ‘It’s all good. I love & forgive you.’ So please do take a look and have a read about me here my interview if you’d like to put a face with a name. It will allow you to get to know me better.
That shamelessly plugged, I am most grateful for my following here and on Facebook. Combined I can count almost five hundred (500) followers and five thousand (5000) views. <insert smile> I took the time to quantify that figure because, although I may not know you by name nor banter with you often, your presence keeps my heart warm on my loneliest days, at any hour around the globe! I wanted to communicate that you matter to me! You count!!
I’ll have you know that in the Fall of 2014 I came out of the closet to my closest family & friends. There is evidence here: https://beingbipolarisnteasy.com/2014/09/05/in-praise-of-feathers/.
Since then it has been an …’interesting’ road learning how to advocate in the public eye for the Bipolar and to raise Mental Health awareness. I am troubled by my use of ‘interesting’, I guess it has been educating, an eye opening of my body, mind and soul.
Under my personal & private Facebook Profile I have shared countless articles supporting our need to make Mental Health a family conversation, a political conversation. I wouldn’t say that people aren’t listening but I will say that it may be falling on deaf ears! My three hundred (300) or so “friends” aren’t liking nor commenting much on those posts! And so I have concluded that I don’t think that people know how to talk about it… <insert sigh> Will we ever win?
That said, today, now… I’m throwing away all my masks and coordinating capes and gowns and making my true identity known to the public! Primarily because I am tired of juggling so many accounts but also because I realize that the general public may never see my Screenplay. The reasons are countless but the main ones follow:
- I want to be transparent, I no longer require anonymity. I am feeling afraid at present so I want to shout out to the World: Be not afraid!
- I want to release any distance that I feel from you, my readers, as we share stories. I have an instinct that knowing my real identity will allow us to speak more personally and specifically with one another.
- I want to open myself to accountability. Blogging is not brain surgery and I doubt that I would ever run for a political office. The identities of my loved ones archived herein will forever remain as I originally shared.
I have come to my senses and recognise that my Screenplay is a pipe dream! After seeing the Touched with Fire trailer I don’t trust that my story will gain much ground. It’s okay. I haven’t given up but I am at peace with it and I don’t want to delay the inevitable any longer . Here and now, you are my witness, I release any and all visions of grandeur with respect to it!
You see, in the beginning I was terrified that there was truth behind my conspiracies and that I wasn’t just psychotic! I feared for my identity, the identity of my family & my closest friends (most, if not all, played a role in my delusions, I trust that many of you know how it goes). As I shared my experiences with mania and depression in, I’d like to believe, great graphic expression and clarity.
One of my favourites was:
But you should, if you haven’t, really read:
Today, my goal has become to join mainstream and help break down the walls of ignorance that divide us on Mental Health issues.
And with that I would really like to wrap up a solid & comprehensive First Draft of my Screenplay, if only to serve as a keepsake for my son and then really start evaluating doing a Short with my younger sister, an actress in LA! She looks like ME and she’s got unbelievable heart and talent!
That’s quite a bit from ME for today… I thank you for taking this first step with ME.
I hope to inspire you to share your stories as well! If not in a blog, with one of your closest friends or family; the ones that have known you the longest. The dynamics of many of my relationships have changed since I came out and I am tickled to share that I am more empowered now. I repeat, practically fear free!
Trust that I’ll first & foremost always be your Princess. ;) Light and love to you & yours. This feels good!
p.s. I will not close my Facebook Page, Being Bipolar Isn’t Easy, so we can continue our discussions there!