Being Bipolar isn't EASY

and the Art of Slowing it Down

I’m Coming Out

It’s been a while. I know. Forgive me? But maybe you have noticed on Facebook that I am blogging for BP Magazine? My current profile is http://www.bphope.com/author/princess-marksalot/ but I aim to update that soon.

But that’s going to change here in a few minutes as I aim to retire my pseudonym. <insert a BIG sigh of relief>

So without further ado, my name is Jessica. I don’t have another picture that captures ME & my spirit to post here today so I refer you to https://beingbipolarisnteasy.com/2015/02/02/a-bit-more-about-me/. People tell me that I haven’t changed much since 2003 when I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia and not the onset of a mental illness. (I had yet to have a psychotic break!) In retrospect I was just severely depressed and in the wrong semi-intimate relationship, at that point in my evolution.

That said this picture that I shared here holds a precious moment in my history! It was taken moments before I drove a small U-haul with all of my belongings (I was leaving my partner) from Paradise Valley, AZ… no joke I lived in “Paradise” to my parents home where I temporarily set up base before moving to Washington, DC.

What I was projecting at the time remains the same message that I would hope my ex remembers today: ‘It’s all good. I love & forgive you.’ So please do take a look and have a read about me here my interview if you’d like to put a face with a name. It will allow you to get to know me better.

That shamelessly plugged, I am most grateful for my following here and on Facebook. Combined I can count almost five hundred (500) followers and five thousand (5000) views. <insert smile> I took the time to quantify that figure because, although I may not know you by name nor banter with you often, your presence keeps my heart warm on my loneliest days, at any hour around the globe! I wanted to communicate that you matter to me! You count!!

I’ll have you know that in the Fall of 2014 I came out of the closet to my closest family & friends. There is evidence here: https://beingbipolarisnteasy.com/2014/09/05/in-praise-of-feathers/.

Since then it has been an …’interesting’ road learning how to advocate in the public eye for the Bipolar and to raise Mental Health awareness. I am troubled by my use of ‘interesting’, I guess it has been educating, an eye opening of my body, mind and soul.

Under my personal & private Facebook Profile I have shared countless articles supporting our need to make Mental Health a family conversation, a political conversation. I wouldn’t say that people aren’t listening but I will say that it may be falling on deaf ears! My three hundred (300) or so “friends” aren’t liking nor commenting much on those posts! And so I have concluded that I don’t think that people know how to talk about it… <insert sigh> Will we ever win?

That said, today, now… I’m throwing away all my masks and coordinating capes and gowns and making my true identity known to the public! Primarily because I am tired of juggling so many accounts but also because I realize that the general public may never see my Screenplay. The reasons are countless but the main ones follow:

  • I want to be transparent, I no longer require anonymity. I am feeling afraid at present so I want to shout out to the World: Be not afraid!
  • I want to release any distance that I feel from you, my readers, as we share stories. I have an instinct that knowing my real identity will allow us to speak more personally and specifically with one another.
  • I want to open myself to accountability. Blogging is not brain surgery and I doubt that I would ever run for a political office. The identities of my loved ones archived herein will forever remain as I originally shared.

I have come to my senses and recognise that my Screenplay is a pipe dream! After seeing the Touched with Fire trailer I don’t trust that my story will gain much ground. It’s okay. I haven’t given up but I am at peace with it and I don’t want to delay the inevitable any longer . Here and now, you are my witness, I release any and all visions of grandeur with respect to it!

You see, in the beginning I was terrified that there was truth behind my conspiracies and that I wasn’t just psychotic! I feared for my identity, the identity of my family & my closest friends (most, if not all, played a role in my delusions, I trust that many of you know how it goes). As I shared my experiences with mania and depression in, I’d like to believe, great graphic expression and clarity.

One of my favourites was:

https://beingbipolarisnteasy.com/2012/01/26/then-god-said/

But you should, if you haven’t, really read:

https://beingbipolarisnteasy.com/2015/02/02/a-bit-more-about-me/

https://beingbipolarisnteasy.com/2014/09/11/practice-makes-perfect/

Today, my goal has become to join mainstream and help break down the walls of ignorance that divide us on Mental Health issues.

And with that I would really like to wrap up a solid & comprehensive First Draft of my Screenplay, if only to serve as a keepsake for my son and then really start evaluating doing a Short with my younger sister, an actress in LA! She looks like ME and she’s got unbelievable heart and talent!

That’s quite a bit from ME for today… I thank you for taking this first step with ME.

I hope to inspire you to share your stories as well! If not in a blog, with one of your closest friends or family; the ones that have known you the longest. The dynamics of many of my relationships have changed since I came out and I am tickled to share that I am more empowered now. I repeat, practically fear free!

Trust that I’ll first & foremost always be your Princess. ;) Light and love to you & yours. This feels good!

p.s. I will not close my Facebook Page, Being Bipolar Isn’t Easy, so we can continue our discussions there!

2 responses to “I’m Coming Out

  1. ponyunicorn June 11, 2016 at 10:27 pm

    I was diagnosed in my 30’s. I’m in my 50’s now and I thought it would all get easier! Your writing is fantastic–it really touches my heart and mind. Thank You for putting so much time and thought into this blog.I can’t wait to read everything here!

    • Princess Marksalot June 12, 2016 at 4:32 pm

      THX alot @ponyunicorn. Do you also read BP Mag? I really enjoy writing for them. Has brought out a maturer side to my writing. I rant less, now…

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