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and the Art of Slowing it Down
Am I an addict?
April 8, 2015Posted by on
Am I an addict? I like to drink. I would drink everyday if my husband would let me… and as a family, my (non blood related) husband included, we imbibe a lot!
On vacation this fall, I drank every day! Every night and every afternoon… I would start, at lunch, by skimming a drink off the left over bottle from the night before and wait until we started to make dinner to have a second and then a third and then usually another before bed… after three weeks I was disgusted. I could no longer get through the day without one drink!
So I decided to cut back. I decided that a) I wouldn’t drink alone, b) I wouldn’t drink before five and c) unless it was a special occasion – I would limit my drinks to two. It’s been a mere month and I have broken every rule! I repeat: I like to drink!!
So I ask… Am I an addict?
I started drinking juice and barley tea to ward of the craving for something different, water gets boring, and it works when I do it deliberately but if I am lazy and don’t consciously curb my appetite I can slip and have a drink or two… that even after I’ve already consumed the other empty calories?!
My vacation this fall scared me, but is that enough? The thought of losing my family to a disease like alcoholism seems so absurd, but it happens all the time! It would royally suck to lose my boys!!!
In truth, I don’t want to end up in AA and never drink again. I’ve said this before: I can’t imagine social events or holiday dinners without a glass of wine… and I admit sometimes, at social events, I drink to curb the nervousness – sometimes I wonder “Will anyone like me?” – “Do I have anything interesting to talk about?” but other times when it’s just me and my two (2) year old son, after a long day, I want a drink?!
I trust that I am not alone. I know many people, albeit many other mothers, all over the world of many shapes and sizes, drink for a myriad of reasons – I just wish that I knew my reason. Maybe I just like the high. Maybe I just like checking out after a few? …so I ask again with all sincerity: Am I an addict?? …How serious is my problem??? Do I have a problem???? Am I hiding from something, running from something?????
Note to reader: I am just rummaging through some old drafts on another sleepless night… I wrote this one two (2) years ago, my son is now four and a half (4.5). Nothing’s changed I still like to drink… and so I am inspired & have I’ve decided to cut back. I decided that a) I am going to attempt to not drink alone! That’s it. I have one (1) rule.