Being Bipolar isn't EASY

and the Art of Slowing it Down

An Ode to Rose Petals

Negativity really has a bad rap!

But to me it’s just one side of the coin. It’s a fact: there is joy and there is pain; just like there is day and there is night. Just like there is winning and losing – good and evil, happy times and sad times… this is life in its totality! The plus’s and the minus’s.

But not everyone sees that.

Instead everyone under this great big sun wants to dance around barefoot in the tall grass with the breeze in their hair while it is showering rose petals.

… and yet I cannot relate because this quote that I cannot quite recall haunts ME. It’s something about how one can only see light through the darkness.

And that is something that I have accepted at the core of my being. It’s not dissimilar to the faith that I have that the sun will always rise.

With this acceptance comes a dilemma, as I want my whole self to be heard. I want my whole self to be felt. But I am learning that you can’t be brutally honest with everyone because the whole truth can hurt. …this dilemma gnaws at my soul because I am desperate to give my whole/true self to someone but when I look around the only one that I think can handle it is myself!

So here’s a dose of my own medicine. Here’s a stab at being brutally honest with someone: When I have a hard look in the mirror and seen a lie; a fake!

!!!???!?!

I can’t tell you how many times that I have questioned my authenticity since becoming a yoga teacher. With the title comes a sense of responsibility – an image of a role model, no?

But I am no role model. I am not living the best yogic life. Instead, for example, I drank a fight with my sister away just before being caught plastering pictures of my family on Facebook while arguing with my husband and neglecting my four (4) year old son. And that was just yesterday!

Some yoga teacher. I don’t feel better. I feel dark. Sad even. So, I think I will crawl under a blanket and disappear until the sun finds a way to peel open my eyes!

For tomorrow I start a detox, a new exercise regime & a renewed commitment to my morning practice. I am lucky it’s Spring. It’s high time to reflect – to reinvent. …and maybe just maybe it’s high time that this yogini give some thought to why everyone under this great big sun wants to dance around barefoot in the tall grass with the breeze in their hair while it is showering rose petals!

One response to “An Ode to Rose Petals

  1. Rail March 12, 2015 at 2:39 pm

    The dance in the tall grass is something we all would like to do. But very few have the total freedom to do so. Ah but just the thought of doing so is so, so comforting. We can also sing and dance in our home with the ones we love. The objective is the freedom we choose when doing so.

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