Being Bipolar isn't EASY

and the Art of Slowing it Down

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stress I am crazy! I mean it; I must be REALLY crazy!! I have committed myself to 200 hours of Yoga Teacher Training with twenty-eight (28) twenty (20) something personal trainers, in Bali next month, and I can’t even touch my toes!? Okay… okay… so I can touch my toes & they are not all twenty (20) something & they are not all PTs but that’s how I think about ‘them’ when I read their stories, look at their FB pictures?! I try not to look at their FB pictures! Honestly, I can just barely touch my toes with my fingertips when my knees are straight of course and then sometimes, on a bad day, my legs tremble. After a good warm up it’s better, it always gets better but I cannot do the “advanced” postures like my fellow classmates can! For one, I can’t even do chaturanga off my knees anymore since I hurt my left deltoid earlier this year… I have good balance/ form and can often take a pose to an intermediate level but the fitness enthusiasts are going to erode my (asana’s) self worth!? And that’s just it as I prepare for this retreat – I know that my ego is going to get ME! I have read this article, http://www.gaiamtv.com/article/cut-comparison?cid=soc%3Afacebook%3Amyyoga, over and over again and I get it but I am preoccupied with fear that ‘they’ won’t get ME?! Gather I could always use the Bipolar card and tell ‘them’ that I am mentally ill! Maybe then they would make allowances for ME? Maybe then they would think: “Oh, it’s okay if she’s not a flexy – at least she’s doing yoga… she needs it more than me?!” But that’s small thinking. Isn’t it? You don’t have to answer that, I know it is SMALL thinking but I can’t help it! How will ‘they’, the twenty (20) somethings, see that I am calmer, nicer, happier, healthier and generally more successful if I cannot strike level 3? They have nothing to compare it to… they don’t know the younger ME, the ME that rolled out my mat every day! And I guess that’s just it. I guess that’s what I wanted to write about. If you have read any posts from my archives it’s evident that I am calmer, nicer, happier, healthier and generally more successful today than ever perhaps and for that I am very grateful! I am lucky if I “practice” three (3) times a week, today! When you get older your metabolism changes… mind you – for the worse, so I still have to get in some cardio but how are ‘they’, the twenty (20) somethings, going to understand that? Even my yoga teacher, here in Macau, he’s thirty (30) something and he thinks that I can get back into the shape that I was in in my early thirties (30’s) but I am highly skeptical! I have very grave doubts… Which brings me to this image. I feel like this cartoon?! He’s ME! I am trying to maintain my proverbial balance but I am sweating the SMALL stuff when the point is that there are eight (8) limbs of yoga!

  • Yama :  Universal morality
  • Niyama :  Personal observances
  • Asanas :  Body postures
  • Pranayama :  Breathing exercises, and control of prana
  • Pratyahara :  Control of the senses
  • Dharana :  Concentration and cultivating inner perceptual awareness
  • Dhyana :  Devotion, Meditation on the Divine
  • Samadhi :  Union with the Divine

…the real goal of ‘my yoga’ today is not to be a human pretzel anymore but samadhi. Imagine, a little girl from Akron Ohio of all places wants to reach Samadhi! Kindly, break now and read: http://yogainternational.com/article/view/meditation-is-not-what-you-think; in it Swami Rama argues that we can all reach Samadhi! Personally, I feel like I get the benefit of meditation from doing the asana’s so I am not sitting traditionally much lately but I wonder if that’s just an excuse for not doing the hard work! I highly doubt that I can reach Samadhi without the stillness that sitting affords.

4 responses to “More links

  1. mckarlie October 13, 2014 at 2:21 pm

    lol @ “bipolar card” – sometimes we bite off a little more than we think we can chew but I think you will have a brilliant time. Yoga in Bali? Here in Australia that’s classed as a wonderful holiday hun!

    • princess marksalot October 15, 2014 at 11:27 am

      thx mckarlie, i trust it will be! …the guilt has not set in yet; rather i am just in shock that I am going to abandon my responsibilities at home & ‘travel’ alone for a month. Me, myself & I will have time to collect and start to pick up the pieces that get lost between my daily to do’s. xx

      • mckarlie October 15, 2014 at 9:58 pm

        I can’t even imagine leaving my little world for a whole month, I used to travel a lot on would go anywhere i could on the drop of a dime but these days i’m pretty settled! When my kids are older I plan on taking them to the few places they haven’t been yet. I hope you have a fabulous time lovely xo

      • princess marksalot November 5, 2014 at 4:55 pm

        thx love. just do it!

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