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and the Art of Slowing it Down
September 7, 2014Posted by on
Here’s a real life dilemma… I am trying to help a friend that dreams about “being gone”. I have spoken to her a length and she is in denial about her depression and possible disabling bipolar disposition. She naively believes that it can get better without professional support. I don’t blame her, I understand her, deeply… as I too struggled with the stigma ten (10) years, before I came out to my ‘extended friends & family’. My heart goes out to her and I was compelled to write this letter to her husband because she is not listening to ME… and I want to share it with you now.
Kindly note: Whether you have been reading my blog for sometime or not, please be made aware that I never use anyones real names. Their privacy is as important to me as my own. i.e. That’s why my pen name is Princess Marksalot and not…
“Forgive the intrusion. I just want to help! I know that this may seem pushy, I know that I am meddling, but I am also taking the risk that you will appreciate why: sweet Cici has reached out to me too. So it is only natural that I feel a responsibility; especially after she has opened up to me more this past week. I know from personal experience that having my husband’s unconditional support has been so very valuable. Often my treatment is an entire family effort; mom, sisters etc..
As you are aware, Cici has confided in me that she struggles with depression. I know that she reached out to you last night in a BIG way! That’s a HUGE step.
She needs YOU to help her respond to the call for help. I believe that she is somewhat paralyzed by the unknown and needs time to prepare herself for a professional diagnosis. You gave her great advice: “not to take to long”; but I urge you to set a time frame with her now. In my minds eye, she needs your help to be strong!
To that end, I want to offer our support; to both of you. I understand that you have read a bit about what I have been overloading Cici with. I am self conscious that it’s been too much but more grateful that I could share it. I have told her that I will lay off but I desperately want to reach her & help her realize that there is an easier way. She is suffering so.
I want her to know that she is not alone! That ‘this’ is nobodies fault, especially not hers; i’s the chemicals in her brain. That said, I mostly want to write YOU now because I fear for her; if she does not seek medical treatment asap. Being gone or even toying with it is no way to live.
At this point you may be interested to now that suicide is the 10th highest leading cause of death in the USA… many of the cases were mentally unstable. I know, from personal experience and from talking to Cici this past week, that she is mentally unstable & in denial. She reminds me of myself years ago…
At this point you may want to know how… I was diagnosed Bipolar ten (10) years ago. Bipolar is not know to run in my family, although I have a cousin that suffers from severe depression… Under a great deal of stress, in my early thirties (30s), I had my first psychotic break & ended up running from an ambulance & being handcuffed in front of a Starbucks. I entered the hospital kicking & screaming “protect me” “protect my family”… and to this day believe that I was followed by under cover agents/physicians/policemen to see what kind of trouble I was in. It wrecked havoc on my ability to recuperate. I lost much valuable time.
In short, I do not want Cici to suffer the same. Not if I can help it. After the first break I was a rapid cycler, meaning I was either very high or very low over a short period of time. A day, a week, a month… sadly it went on for years before I sought the help I needed. For a long time like Cici I tried to manage on my own & with the few unprofessionals that I had. It didn’t work. I needed medication. Trust me when I tell you this; it helped and continues to help more than you can imagine. Cici does not need to have a psychotic break to seek treatment. They are de-habilitating.
Kindly note: I wouldn’t be married today nor have a child of my own if it weren’t for the medication. Cici assures me that she has support at home; she says that you are a gentle man with a great deal of compassion. I sense that from the few times that we have met. But want to urge you today, together, to face this confusion/fear! Cici has good intuition but self diagnosis can be dangerous. In my humble opinion, she needs to see treatment with a professional! I highly recommend my doctors:
HK Psychiatrist: Dr. Desmond Fung +852 2868 9393
Macau Psychologist: Dr. Kay Chang +852 8108 4788
Whatever is troubling Cici is haunting but it is not as bad as it seems. I lived in secret for 10 years. Hardly anyone but my family & a few close friends knew my condition until recently. Don’t let any stigma keep you away. Three really great more authoritative resources to look at follow:
They are also both on FB, I urge you to connect with them however you are most comfortable. Finally, I think that this blog post may come in handy at this time.
Sending my love to you & Cici. Both my husband & I are here for you 24/7. I mean it when I say: please do not hesitate to let us know if you want to continue this conversation. #4Cici”
If you have better advice that might help Cici, kindly let me know. It’s been a long while since I was really considered suicide. My contact details are in my About ME section.
*Note to reader: I realize now that I should have consulted the Mayo Clinic on the subject of denial BEFORE I sent Cici’s husband my email… but don’t listen to ME go on about it listen to the experts; what the Mayo Clinic has to say about denial is here: http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-living/adult-health/in-depth/denial/art-20047926?pg=2