Being Bipolar isn't EASY

and the Art of Slowing it Down

More on Living Deeply

If I may, I’d like to use a partial quote from the book “Living Deeply” to start this post! “The world really comes alive and starts speaking to you.” – Pagan Priestess Starhawk (pg.179, a holy page…)

Unfortunately, now, I am conditioned to believe that when I am manic that that statement is true and when I am not it is false! Sad, I know… but I think its how I have managed not to slip off the deep end in five years. (I have stumbled but my husband has caught me and cared for me so effectively that I have not been hospitalized since we met!)

Although I have experienced it, I know that that kind of thinking has put me over The Edge. Somehow others who also understand what the Pagan Priestess Starhawk said temper it with a gift that I don’t have and I believe that they must live rather blissfully. I envy them.

… years  ago, I guy I dated said: “I give you an inch and you take an arm.” He was bitter… but I admit I can indulge in things I like! For example; I just bought some serving ware. I didn’t need the matching teapot or sugar bowl nor the creamer, for 100$us, but I bought the set anyway… Why? Because I have never had a teapot that makes you want to have tea before!

Maybe that’s what my X was talking about? (Don’t let it give you any ideas – honey. I only bought the teacups and saucers, the following day, because you agreed that every teapot needs tea cups and saucers. LOL)

I appreciate that there are other passionate people behind the intelligence of: posters, window displays, names of lipstick or nail polish, street addresses, political agendas, children’s cartoons and Gatorade ads. I have great respect for photog’s, fashion designers, graphic designers, architects and the like – the people who help to create the final messages that the proverbial ‘One’ wants to communicate. And while on average, sane/sober/not psychotic, I recognize that most are like ME, waiting for their big break, when manic I think that they are more fluent in the code than I am. It’s during those times that I believe that I am not alone! “The world really comes alive and starts speaking to” ME! And that continues to be a frightening realization. So frightening that, I have had to stop paying close attention. When I see something sublime I have learnt to ignore it!

But now that I am fairly well desensitized, now that I know that there is no great code that I am going to crack, now that I have thicker skin, I want to get back to living by a belief that resembles the Priestess’ message. I want to bask in the beauty of our world, again! I want to teach my children about such a world and I want to help them see that their life is filled with synchronous events.


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