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and the Art of Slowing it Down
A Hard Earned Lesson
September 10, 2011Posted by on
I have always felt that (Bi-Polar) support groups were infiltrated by people who are seeking information. Both in and out of the hospital I have never been able to reveal how I was really feeling and or thinking in those groups! I have always been on guard in those settings; I have always felt spied upon.
Several times, while hospitalized, other patients wanted to get close to ME! One time it was a mother of three that was in the middle of a divorce, another time it was a short gay Latino man who ran marathons and yet another time it was a retired police officer… this is terrible to say BUT who wants to get close to anybody in a Psych Ward?
Related, while hospitalized, I haven’t even been able to trust my doctor’s. I can/could never tell them the full story… but, now if you are like me you know, I have learned that they are not concerned with our stories. They are only concerned with our symptoms…
That said however, I have made friends with a few Bi-Polar men. The mother of one’s child called me one evening and accused me of trying to ruin their relationship?!?! The other confessed that he had a crush on me, and I had to cut him off. I wasn’t interested in that… but the one that I had the longest standing open/honest relationship with, turned on me when I needed him most. In my mind’s eye, I think that he suspected that I was hypo-manic and he was entertained by it. He didn’t provide support nor did he warn me that I was acting strange; instead he asked leading questions and further confused my state!
In all fairness, he could have been suffering too (he couldn’t afford medication) but a part of me, even now, believes that he was toying with ME.