Being Bipolar isn't EASY

and the Art of Slowing it Down

UCLA + Joseph Cornell

I read this quote in college + used it on an environmentally conscious project, it follows: “All things are connected like the web that unites us; although we did not weave this web of life and are merely a strand in it – whatever we do to the web we do to ourselves.” I don’t know that anyone knows who wrote it besides the writer herself…

The project was to clean up an otherwise deserted riverbed, in a city that had yet been capable of doing it themselves.

The first step of the assignment was to create a collage of sorts, in the style of Joseph Cornell, to serve as an esquisse for our later master plan along the river. We were encouraged to visit the site before we started our box.

On site, I found a wooden picture frame (approx. 3’-0” x 1’-6”) and built a box a few inches deep behind it out of scrap plywood + left it unfinished or au natural. Then on the back of recovered bottle bottoms I wrote the aforesaid quote and attached them in a grid to the bottom/back of the box (the grid was significant for the restructuring of a given landscape). With a scrap of a hinge I ‘hung’ a green or brown bottle in the lower right hand corner and stuffed it with tree branches to symbolize growth. I quite liked it… it was a happy collage. (And my teacher was happy with the collage – he took it home and hung it on the wall. He still is showcasing it today!)

I am thinking of that quote now as for when I started this blog I sent an email out to 50ish contacts (friends + family) that I have known over the years; contacts that either knew of or had some inkling of my illness. My sisters thought that it was a cryptic email and one was disgusted that I was/ am hiding behind my pen name… I was merely trying to start some traffic on my site. For as I say in my intro, I began writing to be heard!

The week I launched this blog, I saw a UNLV basketball jersey in red with the #1 on it and a hat that says UCLA at the gym. (And my sisters gave me a hard time about launch…)

You see, hypomanic then, I translated these things to mean that me + Las Vegas were the “One’s” that were going to get to win this game or go down in history as the one’s that “Won”. (Couldn’t do it in DC. It was too complicated there… but off the strip we were going to make magic happen.) And that’s where UCLA fits in. My story was going to be so remarkable that “you see LA” a.k.a. Hollywood would make a movie out of it! (My dream is that someday my little sister will play the STAR.)

When manic, I believe that I have a special gift, like a super hero… the gift of interpreting things like Russell Crowe in ‘A Beautiful Mind’.  …but it’s not just paper clippings for me and I don’t track it as emphatically rather I map my living: my talkings, walkings, sights, interactions and exchanges… everyday stuff.

I know that there will be no movie. I have made no significant revelation. All my work to decode my triangles has not paid off.

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